Ok everyone this is the update that I promised.  i have shared all about my Dads situation.  Well i has gotten worse.  He will no longer get Social Security Retirement.  He can not get that while in jail. (i did not think he could)  That means no  money to pay the mortgage on the house.  I know that I can not pay his mortgage.  I asked my sone if he would want to stay there and keep up with all the bills and fix the place up.  Well he wanted the house signed over to him.  NOT GOING TO HAPPEN!  Any way I have been blaming myself and falling apart thinking that I failed Dad.  I did not fail anyone or anything.  All that is happening on Dads part is because of what he did, not because of something I did.

I have let go of everything that is not mine.  Dad loosing the house becasue of what he did. and my son being where he is in life becaue of the life he wants to live.  If he ends out in the street on his butt it is because of what he has done, the life that he chooses to live.  I feel bad for the children. But I can not support them all.  I stopped having kids myself long ago becauwse I could not afford anymore. 

Any way I did see Dad yesterday.  What a long drive to see him!  5 hours to get there.  I left Friday after work and drove up got a motel and spent the night.  I got to the prison early and was able to spend 4 hours with my Dad.  Contact visit So I was able to give him a hug have not been able to do that for more than a year.  I was such a nice visit.  And the fact that my Dad admitted to me that this was all his doing no one elses just made my heart soar!  It ment so mucy to me that he addmitted what he done.

Today I have a busy day.  I am going to get a couple of for sale signs and put them on the house for now and then I am going to start getting what I can out of the house.  Dad wants me to have a yard sale and sell what we can.  but I have a storage unit ad I am going to get everything that I can out of the house first. 

Everyone have a happy Day. 

I want to start by saying I am sorry to all of you that I have not been posting on your blogs.  I have been so overwelmed lately.  I am in the proccess of evicting my son from my Dads home and I have been worrying over the fact that i am NOT going to be able to save Dads home.  There is no way that I can pay his motgage.  He has no money and will not have any coming in.  Recieved notification yeserdaythat Social sequrity retierment will not be coming due to the fact that he has been convicted of a crime and he is jail. 

I am not able to pay the motgage on the house and keep up with my bills.  The house is in bad shape and there is no way that I can rent it without repairs.  I have no money to make the repairs needed.  it is that vicious circle.  It is sad that my Son does not see this he is still thinking Pappys money can pay the bills.  I have tried to explain things to him but he does not get it.

He is all about give me, give me.  He is not about trying to save the house that my Mom and Dad bought when they moved to florida.  He wants to live there for free and still have Dads money pay for all repairs.  He still tried to put the blame on others when it is because he and his wife chose to have children and then not have jobs to support them.  They are my grand children not my children.  I wish that I could support them but I can not.  I will not risk loosing all the things I have aquired over the last few years for them.  I HAVE WORKED TOO HARD!!

Any way my friends.  That is why I have not been around.  I have been stopping to visit. and I pray for all those encluding myself that may need some help but I am not feeling very good about my self and things right now I fell like I have failed in something really important.  Thanks all for listening.

Found this in an old e mail and boy do I need to take this to heart!!!

A MAYONNAISE JAR AND 2 CUPS OF COFFEE
When things in your life seem almost too much too handle, when 24 hours
in
a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of
coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front
of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and
empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then
asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full they agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar . Of
course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar
was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty
space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things- God, family, your children, your health, your friends,
and your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and
only they remained your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,
and your car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.

If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend
all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for
the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with
your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your beloved out to
dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and
fix the disposal."

Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set
your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to
show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room
for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Please share this with someone you care about.

When you're down to nothing, God is up to something."

JUST A  MOM?
>>
>>A woman,  renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office
>>was asked by the  woman recorder to state her occupation.
>>
>>She hesitated, uncertain  how to classify herself.
>>
>>
>>"What I mean is,"  explained the recorder,
>>"do you have a job or are you just a......?"
>>
>>"Of course I  have a job," snapped the woman.
>>
>>
>>"I'm a Mom."
>>
>>"We don't  list 'Mom' as an occupation, 'housewife' covers it,"
>>said the recorder  emphatically.
>>
>>
>>I forgot all  about her story until one day I found myself in the
>>same situation,  this time at our own Town Hall.
>>
>>The Clerk  was obviously a career woman, poised,
>>efficient and possessed of a  high sounding title like,
>>"Official Interrogator" or "Town Registrar."
>>
>>
>>"What is your occupation?"  she probed.
>>
>>What made me  say it?
>>I do not  know.
>>The words  simply popped out.
>>"I'm a  Research Associate in the field of
>>Child Development and Human  Relations."
>>
>>The clerk  paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair and
>>looked up as though she  had not heard right.
>>
>>
>>I  repeated the title slowly emphasizing the most significant words.
>>Then I  stared with wonder as my pronouncement was written,
>>in bold, black ink  on the official questionnaire.
>>
>>"Might I ask," said the  clerk with new interest,
>>"just  what you do in your field?"
>>
>>Coolly,  without any trace of fluster in my voice,
>>I heard myself reply,
>>"I have a continuing program of research,
>>[what mother  doesn't)
>>in the laboratory and in the field,
>>(normally I  would have said indoors and out).
>>I'm working  for my Masters, (first the Lord and then the whole family)
>>and already  have four credits (all daughters).
>>Of course,  the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities,
>>(any mother  care to disagree?)
>>and I often work 14 hours a day, (24 is more like  it).
>>But the job is more challenging than most  run-of-the-mill careers and the
>>rewards are more of a satisfaction  rather than just money."
>>
>>There was an  increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she
>>completed the  form, stood up and personally ushered me to the door.
>>
>>As I  drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career,
>>I was  greeted by my lab assistants -- ages 13, 7, and 3.
>>Upstairs I could hear our new  experimental model,
>>(a 6 month old baby) in the child development  program,
>>testing out a new vocal pattern.
>>I felt I had  scored a beat on bureaucracy!
>>And I had  gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and
>>indispensable to  mankind than
>>"just another Mom."  Motherhood!
>>
>>
>>What a  glorious career!
>>Especially  when there's a title on the door.
>>
>>
>>Does this  make grandmothers
>>"Senior Research associates in the field of
>>Child Development and Human Relations"
>>and great  grandmothers
>>"Executive Senior Research Associates"?
>>I think  so!!!
>>I also think  it makes Aunts
>>"Associate Research  Assistants".

In life we all have to do things that we do not want to do or don't like to do but we still have to do.  Well yesterday I had one of those days.  Chris has not paid any rent since October.  I asked him about Rent yesterday and his newest scheme is for me to wait till they get their income tax check and he will pay everything he owes in  full.  in Nov it was please wail till december 1st. then in DEc it was wait till Jan and now it is wait till taxes.  I told him NO WAY!  He said that the Van they have is getting ready to be repoed.  well that is because they did not pay what they  agreed to Tha is not my fault. Then he was saying that he is trying to find a job.  I am sorry there ARE jobs out there it is just that he does not want to work.  Oh it will cost too much for Day care well then they should not have had the kids that they had.  We all have to pay our waythru life and it is no different for them.  And to be honest at this point I do not believe anything that Chris promises.

Any way then he started to complain that the house was a dump.  Well it is and I told them not to come when they did heck The Crack heads were still in the house when they came down.  It was there choice to come when they did. I told him I am not trying to make money off of him just trying to make it so Dad breaks even.  He has it in his head that I have to tell him where and how I spend Dads money.  Any way he started pointing out all of the things that need to be done.  And yes there is LOTS to be done.  Again that goes back to I told him not to come when he did that things would not be ready.  I reminded him that I bought the materials for the Bathroom floor, He would not let my Contractor do it because he would have to go somewhere with the kids My contractor will not work with all those power tools around the children.  i would not alow it either the kids do not listen and they are not watched as they should be. my son said he would do it his self. Well supplies over there and the work still is not done.  Any way when he started picking at EVERYTHING that needed to be don that is when I told him he should find another place to live.  I hated to have to do it but enough is enough!

The situation that he is in is his own doing.  Then he turns around and tries to bring up my past.  my past is my past and has nothing to do with how he has chosen to run his life. He has created this mess that he is in and why he thinks I owe his I do not know.. I wrote him a letter and did say that I have no clue what he feels I owe him and for what reason.  He and his wife chose the have the children they have.  I should not and will not support them. i told Chris I was sorry he thought I owed him something I can not give.  I reminded him that we were not making money  on them only tringto break even for Dad.

I guess I will call the para legal that helped me do all I needed to do with the divorce to help me with this eviction.  i am just sick that this is the way it has to be.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!~!

So sorry that I have not been blogging but boy what a holiday one that I will not soon forget.   I will tell you all right now I am so sorry for such a long intensive blog,  This has been one weekend that if it could happen it did!  Don't get me wrong it was for the most part good stuff that happened.  Thursday December 23 I gota call from my brother Harvey wanting to know what I was doing but I was not home.  The third thursday of every month is the Union meeting and as a shop steward I really should be there.  So instead he said that he would come over friday after Work,  I said ok but knew that I had major cleaning I had to do I was in no way prepared. 

Good news Friday at work if you wanted to you got to leave and it would not effect you holiday pay. So I left early and came home and started being the cleaning fool I told everyone to just stay out of my way unless I called and asked for help other that that don't do anything to break my rhythm of how I do things.  About 5 PM I finally got most every thing put where it needed to be.  It was just about that time that the door bell rang and it was youngest brother from pennsylvania with his wife and 2 kids.  What a WONDERFUL surprise for christmas!  My son Ted was at work so my brother took us out for dinner to Sonnys where Ted works.  We told them to send Ted out when he had time.  The look on his face was pricless when he saw my brother sitting there.  I told him don't look at me because I did not know that he was coming either.  It was a real nice surprise.  Now I have more pictures That Brooke colored haning on my fridge.  I guess simple things only a parent would understand.

I had already planned to have Chris, Tara and the Grand kids over for dinner for Christmas eve Dinner.  Since my brother was here it just made sense to have him over too.  My Friend Mary came over in the morning to help me with some of the final preparations.  making sure that I had enough seats for everyone and that sort of thing.  I broke out the good china and the good silverware.  We has soooooooooo much food. and pies.  if anyone left hungry it was there on fault.  We had a wonderful night. 

Chirstmas Morning we woke up and opened all of our gifts.  Boy SANDY CLAUS was great to me.  I got everything I wanted and then some.  he got me a New TV and VCR/DVD player so I can have a plater and a TV for my new work out room when I get it set up.  Cool.  Plus lots of other stuff.  Things for me started going down hill for me after that.  I started feeling kinda sick .  Started you know loosing it.  For the next 4 days I could not eat anything-stay awake- I would wake up bathed in seat and the next minute I would be freezing.  I was a sick puppy.  I finally went to the doctor and got some medication and a shot to help with the vomiting.  I wam now feeling better just a little weak, well a lot weak but i am now eating a little solid food and keeping it down.

A friend from work called to say that her sister passed on  December 23.  We knew she was sick she. And we knew it was terminal but just not that it would be so fast. Only good thing is she is not hurting no more.  She has been in a lot of pain before this.  Just sad to have it happen around the holidays.  No matter who it is you know you will always remember it.  Oh heck I still remember when my Mom passed July 31, 2002.  I do know that if she was still here things would be different.

Now the holidays are over and I must do what I must do.  If I do not get rent from my son for living at Dads house. I will have no choice but to evict him.  Dad gave me Power of Attorney to take care of his things.  And Chris my son can not live there for free.he knew what I would need to cover the rent that comes out of Dads Checking.  i have Bunches of Dads bills I have to take care of.  Including Fines and things.  I can not pay then if My son thinks he can live there for free,  He hass missed   paying the rent for the last 2 months.  I promised myself that this was his last chance.  The same Para legal lady that helped me with the DIVORCE is going to help with the eviction that way I know everything is done legally.

Sorry for being so winded but all the same thanks for listening.  HUGS to all.  And Happy New Year.  My resolution is not to make any because I never keep them any way.  LOL

Merry Christmas to All!!

 Almost that time again. I do love this time of the year for the most part.  I just think it is kind of sucky that my Son is being a jerk at the moment.  I refuse to let him bring me all the way down.  I am not going to let him make me feel guilty because he does not pay his bills. Enough said about that.

I went to the pain center for my second apointment and they gave me a shot of cortisone in my back.  So far I have only had to take one pain pill all day and that is a good thing.  I am still taking it easy.  They say to move around and Sandy keeps telling me that does not mean I have to start to clean the whole house.  My house is driving me crazy.  I hae not been able to clean the way I want it done because of my back.   

I will try to visit every one later. it is just that having to sit at work all day I try not to sit to much at home at least not in front of the puter.  I promise I will visit all before the week is out.  HUGS

WOW!!! What a surprise! does this site not look cool!  I have to Thank Miss Tina for the work it is all about her.   Andain Tina THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

I have been so busy  today.  I was so glad I went with Ted to the doctos today.  He has been seeing a workmans comp Doctor since he cut his hand at work.  The man came i today and strated poking about Teds wound but he did not have gloves on!  I stopped him ans asked if he would be putting some on.  The Doctor said it was not nessessary.  i reminded him it was a woulnd and infected so I would prefere thathe put on golves.  He did not like me there.  I see what Tedd was saying about him.  I am going to call the workers comp ins company and complain.

No more theraphy for my back it is not working.  I am going to try a chyropractor and the doctor is going to send me to the pain managment clinic for help with the pain.  That is all I have for now.  HUGS to all